Skip to content

Month: July 2020

Saudade

I measure time by the days I’ve spent away from you

that thought occurred to me

as I watched the sky go dark from blue

~Haiku, Lana del Rey

Saudade

The most musical word

I have ever heard

13 May 

In May and everyday

They say it takes 10 thousand hours

to master a skill

Can you master the longing for someone?

And when you get there

What happens?

Do you reach the peak of something close to despair

Or you just feel at peace?

Or maybe 

Resigned

I wonder

I can’t know

I’m longing for someone

But a little different

I have a passion for languages

I am a human who loves words

Some people call this a logophile

Once I had fun counting in how many languages 

I know to say the word beer

just like alcohol would matter for me

I like to write poems late at night

I love in your direction

Muttering words hoping they’ll reach somewhere

close to you

Words like

I miss you

Te extrano

Tu me manques

Sinto a tua falta

Îmi e dor de tine…

saudade/saʊˈdɑːdə/noun= (especially with reference to songs or poetry) a feeling of longing, melancholy, or nostalgia that is supposedly characteristic of the Portuguese or Brazilian temperament.

Meraki

I’m upset, I have complaints and I get sad

It’s not that I feel different

or that I lost connection with what I love

And I don’t mind that I don’t get to show my face to the sun

And that the strangers don’t smile to me no more

That I don’t get to wear my pretty dresses

That I’ve missed the spring that I’ve been dreaming and planning all winter for

But time… 

is something weird

I forget things even if I have a great memory

I recall memories and everything’s there

But I can’t feel your touch on my skin

And it’s really hard to explain what I mean.

I’ve practiced dancing and yoga, 

meditation and french

And I get to write more poetry now

I think I’m even getting better at it

And I love these mountains

even though I never explored them 

never walked barefoot on the grass

Just on the street 

when I was little

And I used to be scolded

like walking barefoot is something wrong

Something that shouldn’t be done

forbidden and

dirty

Not for a child like me

Who has let school and society tell me

Who I should be.

Dear Earth, 

Mother Nature, 

roots

I belong here, 

but at the same time I don’t 

and it’s strange

But I’ve abandoned myself completely

in another place.

86,400 seconds

86, 400 seconds each day,

How many of them would you like to stay?

Kiss me one silent night

And I’ll answer you with my silence

Or I will write

Replying through a poem,

Or a 7 page short thought

You said it’s like a review

And that may be true.

The place where I’ve abandoned myself,

A blue pillowcase and a bookshelf

A street that I thought that I know, 

but I didn’t

A button and number 7,

The elevator and I was close to heaven.

Your arms-strong

and my fingers shaking,

Something inside of me 

both building and breaking

My whispers,

The soundtrack to your dreams

All is well,

Or so it seems.

Adulter, Paulo Coelho

I want to change. I need to change. I’m gradually losing touch with myself. 

Cartea prezintă povestea unei jurnaliste de succes, Linda, care trăiește în Geneva alături de soțul ei și de cei doi copii. Însă viața ei, departe de imaginea ideală pe care statutul social și financiar o creează, este dominată de sentimentul de nefericire. Nu știe ce îi lipsește, nu știe ce s-a întâmplat cu căsnicia ei și de ce ceea ce are nu o mai face fericită. Începe să se întrebe dacă nu cumva suferă de depresie. 

Un eveniment ce o face să își dea seama că de fapt mimează fericirea, este reîntâlnirea iubitului din timpul liceului, devenit politician. Se întâlnește cu el pentru a-i lua un interviu și redecoperă în ea pasiunea și gustul de a explora necunoscutul în încercarea de a retrăi această iubire imposibilă.

Personajul trece printr-o introspecție puternică și caută să răspundă la întrebări profunde precum: ce se întâmplă cu iubirea după 10 ani de căsătorie, care este sensul vieții ei sau ce este singurătatea? Caută răspunsurile atât în exterior (se întâlnește cu un shaman cubanez), dar mai ales în interiorul ei, totul în încercarea de a se regăsi.

Am empatizat puternic cu personajul, este una din cărțile mele preferate ale autorului.

Te invit să citești să descoperi mai multe!

Câteva citate:

,,Dragostea nu-i doar un sentiment. E o artă și ca fiecare artă nu cere doar inspirație dar și multă muncă.”

,,Când vine noaptea şi nu vede nimeni, mi-e teamă de orice: de viaţă, de moarte, de dragoste şi de lipsa ei, de faptul că toate lucrurile noi devin obiceiuri, de faptul că pierd cei mai buni ani din viaţă într-o rutină care se va repeta până la moarte şi de ideea de a înfrunta necunoscutul, oricât de surescitant şi de aventuros ar fi.”

,,În ultimul timp, spiritul meu a fost destul de agitat şi răzvrătit, ca marea. Am întocmit un rezumat al parcursului meu până aici şi parcă aş face o călătorie transoceanică pe o plută rudimentară, în plin sezon al furtunilor. Voi supravieţui? mă întreb, acum că nu mai e cale de întoarcere. Voi supravieţui, evident. Am mai înfruntat furtuni şi înainte.”

,,Poate fi cineva obligat să-şi ceară iertare fiindcă a iscat o iubire imposibilă?”

And you…

Love me…

Once 

Twice

Once again

Love me… 

Calm love

Space

Peace

Yoga mat

And morning coffee.

Cuddle 

Bubble bath love

Purple crystals

Chill music

And you… 

To Me

I live the poetry that I didn’t know to write

Letting it consume me.

My body knows unheard songs 

Just like my heart knows things that I can’t talk about. 

Absolute silence.

I’ll let your hand cover my mouth

Your fingers must have magic in them.

What does magic taste like?

Madness.

15 June.

Temporary madness turned into something more serious.

For sure.

Where your hands belong… 

Temple of love.

I will tremble,

If you come closer, you could feel

The earthquakes of me.

“It’s been a while since you heard from me, I stay alone, protect my energies/Found a little love, lost my sanity/Here’s to good people, good nights/Some tears, some stress/But I count my blessings/Here’s to good music, great sex/Little time to feel alive…”

Introspection

A landscape of curves

Edges and nerves

Sharp and soft

A mind and the ribs

Flat chest and a huge smile

Thousand of verses in one file.

Looking like a painting

Dying to speak, but unable

On every human, a label

She’s no exception

But an unique perception

She’s not just 

what we have been taught 

in anatomy lessons

Though, it’s simpler than that

Or complicated when it comes about emotions

But when she’s loving

She’s insanely intense

And it makes a lot of sense

In the patterns of shadows

And the blissing light

Who show a human who loves to write.

Dear magic,

Dear magic,

Of course you disappear, that’s why you’re called magic.

You are not real. You are meant to get away.

They say truth always brings you comfort. Well, it still breaks my heart to know you left me.

I thought you could stay forever with me.

Why did you leave my body? Did you find another one, more beautiful or stronger?

I thought you loved these fingers, this pale skin… your home.

Once, I said I am a witch of love and I started writing poems and painting dreams in my favorite colors.

Purple, pink, unicorn sky.

Good and bad, heroes to dream at night.

Crystals and spices, flowers and herbs. 

Salt. 

Lavender. 

Violets.

In the death of you, I’ll put all the veils back up. Those ones that love has gently removed. 

I’ll build up walls and make myself a fortress. Because you know, when I used to believe in magic, these ways to protect me didn’t matter. Magic was protecting me, with its invisible shield. Maybe I was blindfolded, who cared, as long as I was feeling that I’m walking safe. In my poet sandals and with my long hair caressed by the wind… I was just happy. Until I wasn’t and that was just meant to be.

The way your lips taste in the rain

Dear Luv, let’s share a kiss under the rain, not an umbrella,

Your beautiful mess.

You were playing the piano 

And it started to rain

Let’s go running you said

I asked are you crazy

And you answered Yes I am

And we ran the streets hand in hand

And your smile zipped me up from the cold

You watched me unfold

And I’ll always remember the way

your lips taste in the rain

Pleasure and passion

Exploding in my veins

In front of us a red umbrella 

And a couple who wasn’t kissing

But we were crazy and wild and blissing

And my view turned upside down

and stayed like that 

on the leaves of grass

And you like my sass

Or how I don’t care about the others 

and I close my eyes

And you shhh my cries

I’ll always remember the way rain 

made love to my body

And whipped it harshly

And how I was breaking apart

So that would be me making art.